Friday, 30 December 2016

2016. The review.

2016. The year I learned.

I began to hate university. I resented the travel everyday and started looking for full time jobs.

I left university. Law school. I became the dropout I was destined to be.

One year anniversary with the ex. Yippie. I slowly started to go mental around this time. I was alone all day everyday until 3pm where I would spend every second of my time on edge to not piss him off. I would drive him wherever he needed to be. I resented myself.

I can't say much about the next two months. I was in some sort of depressed daze of which would carry on for a while. In the same routine of being alone with my thoughts until the evening where an argument would happen twice, three times a week. Always 'my fault', of course.

See above.

I can never be more thankful for this month. Everything clicked. I went for a job interview in London that I wholeheartedly didn't want but felt I needed. I didn't get it. Luckily. The ex became an ex and the mind that had been controlled and indoctrinated for the past year and a bit was finally mine again. I met a blog friend in real life and got my first sponsored post. I also received an interesting email from the head of sixth form at my secondary school.

The email asked for anyone interested in working in the school in the next academic year. I applied. Got an interview. Got the job. Got some sort of hope back for my life.

I'd not been allowed to spend time with my family for the past year and a half so by this time I was free to do as I wished. Which mostly spent being alone in my room. But it was nice to have the option of family time if ever the need such arose. Dad took us to Centre Parcs. It was wonderful.

01/09. My induction for my new job.  I met two ladies that would go on to be my sidekicks. September was a great month.

Nothing much to say. It was spooky and all that jazz.

Oh God. So. Started out with a Christmas blogger event. I drank prosecco for the first time. You will see why that's important. Then one of my wives' 22nd birthday. A lovely sophisticated meal with a group of people I'd only known for two months but you'd think it had been years. Side note- I'd become happy. Such an awfully weird thing to write and say but these girls had changed me, and they didn't even see the me I'd changed from. Drinks were flowing and I had my first cocktail in a bar afterwards. Are you seeing the theme here. My birthday. My first night out. I planned a classy evening of McDonalds to make sure my alcoholic pals had food in the stomachs and then headed on to the same bar as I'd tried out the week before. The next bit shall be written with my eyes rolling and head tilting. Sigh. We drank. We had a lovely night. My cousins came. The ones you'd say are family but with the advantage of telling them everything about you so much that they have nothing to judge you left with. My friends came. New and old. A special friend came. One I hadn't seen in 2 years but loved like the brother I wish he was. He brought a nice companion and the night ended rather well with myself and one of the wives' having our second McDonalds of the evening.

I have never felt so unfestive in my life. So caught up with the idea of living in the moment and enjoying new found feelings that I'd forgotten the time of year. Never again. My friendship with the girls had improved even more and we became inseparable. Christmas was nice but went past quickly. I spent Boxing day evening in a pub 40 minutes from home deciding on a plan to fix myself. After downing a few drinks of course. I realised how needy I'd been recently. How much attention I'd been wanting and for what. I'd gone nearly 6 months making myself happy to depending on someone else to do that for me. That night I took back control. And did something I'd never had the strength to do before. I'm in control.

I'd like to thank the following people for featuring in this post and being in my life in the most positive ways possible. Thanks for seeing me everyday and laughing at my jokes. Thanks for not seeing me half as much as I'd wish to but listening to my rambles and giving the best hugs when needed. Thanks for just being here. From the beginning to the end of our own little journeys.


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